Chronically early

I’m always early, to any kind of appointment, even when I know for sure that the person will be late. I can’t help it.

It’s an anxiety thing. I’m petrified of being late, because my unconscious is convinced the person will be furious at me when I’m not on time. My ratio knows that that is not true. But in a discussion between my unconscious and my ratio, there’s only one winner.

To be clear: when other people are late, I don’t get furious. My first reaction is to doubt whether I am waiting at the right place and time. When I have established that I am, I just get annoyed, but I never react in an angry way when they arrive.

Being chronically early has one pro: making deadlines is a piece of cake.
Unless… And here comes the issue. Unless I depend on other people’s work or information to be able to execute my part of the job. So much stress, even weeks before the deadline.

Depending on other people’s input was the worst part of functioning in a corporate environment. It literally made me sick fearing that a coworker might not deliver on time. Because that would mean I would not make my deadline. The mere thought of that possibly happening… Anyway, it wasn’t fun.

That’s one of the things I love so much about being an artist. I am the boss, the coworker, the marketeer and the painter. I might not be great at all of these, but my job doesn’t make me sick anymore. And that’s something I wouldn’t trade for the world.