My top 5 survival rules

I consider myself an expert at surviving. Not the jungle surviving kind, but everyday Western society survival skills. And you are in luck, because today I’m sharing my top 5 survival rules with you, free from charge!

Here goes:

1. Don’t make any noise. No laughing out loud, no screaming, no audible eating or breathing, and whatever you do, don’t sing in public.

2. Never strive for more than you already have. Gratitude is key. Wanting more is the path straight to hell. Millions of people aren’t even sure if they’ll eat today. So stop complaining.

3. Be likable. This one may prove to be slightly challenging, because everyone’s expectations of us are different. But you can do it. Please as many people as possible, whether you know them or not. If you’re not sure about what they expect from you, guess.

4. Do not question authority. Execute what they ask you to do perfectly. To avoid any confusion, here’s a definition of authority: any person that knows more about any subject than you do. That includes cashiers, neighbors, parents, bosses (obviously), strangers, bartenders, beauticians, medical staff, call-center operators, salespeople and people over 60. As you will surely understand, this list is not exhaustive.

5. Take up as little space as possible. The application of this rule will look different depending on your daily activities. In my case this means: don’t be salesy about your art, don’t show any pride in your achievements, don’t put your handbag on the spot next to you in public transport, never spend longer than 90 minutes telling a story. Oh, and loose some weight.

As I’ve learned in the past 5 years, there is more to life than surviving, and as I’m feeling very generous, I will also share with you my number 1 rule for thriving instead of surviving:

Do the opposite of the rules I mentioned above.