Too many good things

I’m feeling a little down. My inner critic is shouting that I’m an ungrateful b*tch, because so many good things have been happening in my life lately, and if anything, I should be euphoric.

Maybe it’s the dark December days. Or maybe my “down” is actually my unconscious telling me not to trust that all these good things will last, because look at the past.

I have been an incredibly lucky person. Despite a rough beginning and some painful stuff along the way, I somehow managed to get a degree, great jobs with nice colleagues, a warm and safe home, the best cats in the world, and a dream of a support network. Yet all these things are a matter of lucky coincidences, right? Just like the house I’m moving to, the exhibition I’m working toward, the art gallery owner that believes in my art.

Or… maybe, just maybe, I have had an impact on a couple of these things. Can I give myself some credit for studying, doing my best at work, and trying to be a good friend? What I can admit to is that I have been painting a lot for the past three years. That pays of, and my art is getting better. But the rest of it? Maybe.