Wish me luck
The only thing that stands between who you are and who you want to be is a feeling you don’t want to feel. (Antrese Wood)
Read that again: The only thing that stands between who you are and who you want to be is a feeling you don’t want to feel.
Let’s break that down with a thing I’m struggling with:
1. ‘Who I am now’: I love painting, almost as much as I love my cats. It lights me up, it gets me out of bed in the morning, and often I’m rather proud of what I create. But (yep, there’s the but) that’s not how I show up in the world. I only talk about my work when people ask me about it, I certainly don’t brag about it, afraid of being called arrogant. I am afraid to mention the prize of my work, although I know that’s what it’s worth. I keep waiting to become a “better” artist, hoping that that will bring me the confidence to say: “Yes! I am a painter. I love it, and look what I created!”
2. And that’s how we get to ‘Who I want to be’. I want to be unapologetic in my art. I want to experiment without thinking of the cost of paint. I want to allow myself to do a happy dance when I’m proud of a portrait. I want to share my passion with whomever wants to hear it and mention my prizes with my head held high. I long to show up as the artist that I truly am.
3. And then there’s the catch: ‘The feeling I don’t want to feel’. In order to become the artist I just described I will need to learn to be comfortable with failing. Because not every experiment is going to look good, not everyone will want to hear about my new collection, and yes, some people will find my paintings too expensive. If I want to get on the other side of this struggle, I will have to accept those no’s, walk away, and go straight to my easel and my passion.
We don’t like rejection. Unfortunately it is a part of being human and avoiding it means not striving to become the person who you want to be.
The choice is ours. Listen to the fear and stay stuck. Or accepting rejection as a necessary part of the trip to the other side.
Wish me luck. I’m going on a journey.