What happens when I paint

Several people have told me they’d like to be in my studio when I paint. I’m not sure that would be very interesting for them, because most of the magic happens in my head.

It must be a flow state, what happens when I paint. Flow state is described as a feeling where, under the right conditions, you become fully immersed in whatever you are doing. But that description doesn’t cut it for me. I’ll have a go myself.

I have a couple of little rituals when I go to my studio to paint: I put on my paint clothes, chose an inspiring PodCast or a Spotify list, turn on my professional lights, pour myself a glass of coke zero, and sit down. On most days I have already decided what I am going to be working on (yes, I work on multiple paintings at the same time).

When I first start mixing the right colours, I’m still a bit uneasy. That is because my head hasn’t shut up yet. My to do’s, plans and worries are still audible.

But then, after about ten minutes, things become peaceful. I mix, look, apply the dark colours first, mix, paint, observe what happens. Thousands of micro decisions happen in an hour of painting: more blue, what kind of white, how to apply the paint for a specific effect, which brush to use,…

Mostly I don’t hear half of the music, and time disappear. My whole world is condensed in this one painting which I feel a deep love for, whatever the subject, and even my inner critic is in awe of my joy. Yes, joy. Whenever I take a second to consciously feel, there is one overwhelming knowledge: this is what I was born to do. And that, my friends, is the happiest feeling I know.

One of my feline studio assistants usually “wakes me up” from this state, demanding cuddles. It is only then that I notice how many hours have passed, and how far away I was. So I cuddle, and slowly the rest of the world comes back to me: the to do’s, the overthinking, my friends’ messages, dinner. But that’s okay. Because tomorrow I am going to disappear again.