Lost in production

At the moment I need nearly all my energy to recover from moving house. That frustrates me, because there’s so much to do: unpacking, administration, a few repairs, decorate, getting to know the oven,… And that’s only the house stuff. Of course I also want to paint, connect with my clients, meet up with friends, go to art school.

Yes, I have been trying to do all of the above. And yes, I’m exhausted.

I just don’t understand how other people do these things, all while running a household and raising kids! For years I have been struggling to accept that my energy level is way below the average. Mostly (when I have not just made a big life change) I manage to live with it. Lately, I’ve been discouraged and frustrated.

When I’m in this head space, society seems to throw all kinds of “productivity advertisement” at me. People tell me proudly that they work 80 hours a week, Instagram bombards me with ads for a tool that teaches you to read four times faster, and everywhere I go I see neatly trimmed gardens, spotless houses, neighbors jogging. And the only conclusion that comes to my mind is: “I am a failure.”

I know, I know. The compare and despair game is not a good idea. Trying to get back to myself, my limitations, my life goals, is the only way out of this. And, ironically, that will take plenty of self-acceptance, and a lot of rest.